Let Loose and Switch That Shh...

It's so sad.

I KNOW the person I want to be, but I can't because I'm living for other people.

Living for them, living by them, living through them, living around them, living to please them.

I need to understand just how to live without them.

I'm craving the hipster lifestyle. The Ijustdontgiveaf*ck wear whatever you feel like with no particular matching scheme, hippie, learning and living off the beaten path, the underdog, far from mainstream in terms of music, talented beyond academics, raw photography, dance, write, sing, mosh, tastefully and non-sexually oriented-ly wasted, not wasting time to explore things around me, do things different, look like a weirdo, be cultured and know things outside of the majority, be the minority again, just chill in a room with a bunch of people and not grind, kiss, touch, fuck, or play a game of truth or dare that will eventually encourage me to do those things, just LIVE BEING JUDGED BUT NOT GIVING A FUCK.

Pardon my foreign language, but that's what I feel. That's what I want. But I can't because I'm not surrounded by a circle thats "down" with that sort of thing. Living in a sea of sameness that is my school. Trying hard just to outshine and outdo, when really that is the means of fitting in.

Times like this make me miss being in New York. Where the non-carers thrive abundantly. The only melting pot I know in this damn country.

Already decided that my ass and somebody else's ass is getting an apartment in the city. Village, Soho, or maybe downtown BK if I have to. I just NEED a change of company and of scenery.

That's just how I see it.

~Stassi X.